Sometimes, I feel really alone in all of this following God. I feel that no one else has the depths of struggle that I do. I feel that my world wants me to be "positive" and focus on the good, the blessings, which are around us all. I heard someone I adore say this week: I am going to walk away from the people in my life that are negative, shut them down." Maybe, we could love better those who are sunk deep in their sin.
I'm not endorsing brute honesty with everyone about where we live. I'm endorsing a Good God Who meets us and does us good right smack dab in the middle of our troubles. Jer 32:41~ We live in a fallen world. We are fallen people who will never live perfect here. Romans 3:11 no one understands;
No one seeks for God.
Yet, our God says:
Isaiah 32: 17-18
And the effect of righteousness will be peace,
and the result of righteousness, quietness and trust forever.
My people will abide in a peaceful habitation,
in secure dwellings, and in quiet resting places.
This I know:
There are not many people who would want the life I have.
But I would not trade this life for anything.
I live in a quietness and peace I have never known before.
A secure Resting Place for this heart that has wandered for 33 years in a marriage that started on this very day 1979.
My home has no walls.
My heart holds such peace.
When I first did my post, I forgot to hit publish. Thought I remember to do it later, but I didn't until now. So sorry. Do you ever feel that you can't really be honest because family/friends don't want you to be. Either they feel the need to fix you or get you to a happier place. Thank you for being friends who will sit with me and let me live with some authenticity. I don't feel that way with you all. I feel safe. Thank you. Today is our 33rd anniversary! Jer 32:41 ~ God has been very good to me through all of these years. So grateful to Him for where I have landed in my heart.
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean about family not wanting you to be totally honest with where you are. Our daughter had worked with us for ten years in the law office and she saw the struggles and the shortness of cash etc. When things got really bad because of the economy and old staff leaving us, she did not want to hear any of it...I felt so alone, for she been there and knew what had happened in the past but she no longer wanted to share in it and let me get rid of some of my pain. So, I quit telling her anything. Her brother has been going thru some really rough times but I have kept all of that from her. However, she is missing out on hearing the blessings of how God is changing him and molding hum and protecting him. Yesterday he brought me an arrangement of flowers just because...I have not spared my words and been frank with him and the Lord has told him that I am right,...yet he is not pushing me away. He is thankful and appreciative What a blessing this is. For an adult child to show appreciation before you die, is a tremendous blessing. I am one blessed woman. Sorry, all those words to tell you and show you that I know exactly how you feel. You are safe here. Love you...
ReplyDeleteIt has been so encouraging to see God working in your son. I think people just do not want us to hurt. It is a fact of this life that we all will suffer. How do we face our suffering?
ReplyDeleteI think our children do not want to see or know that we hurt. Yours could learn so much how to handle their own lives if they would talk to you and hear your heart as you walk through this time in your life. They just want to know that we are always there for them when they need a place to fall. This week has been astounding...to talk so openly and frankly with him is a gift that I never ever expected to receive. The flowers and hug with tears this other day was an unreal experience.
ReplyDeleteYou have huge hearts, Bev and Mary Lou. Our grown kids could learn so much and we would love to spare them some of the pain in the lessons we've learned along the way, but that doesn't seem to be the order for things.
ReplyDeleteI'd venture to say MOST people don't want to hear anything but "Fine. How are you?" They're not really asking when they say How are you? Not that I want to unload on everyone but it's a rare one who really wants to share the good and the bad. I think you're right, Bev when you see people either want to fix you or make you happy. It is hard to watch suffering. It's hard to know what to say. It's hard to be a good friend or a good mom or whatever that looks like that says and does the "right" thing that can help carry some of the load, some of the weight this world has to dish out. Better to live authentically though, even if the truth is hard.
Thirty three years! God is good. Much blessing on your promise you made all those years ago. He honors faithfulness!
This is one topic that I would love to sit around a kitchen table and talk honestly with you all face to face. You all have the gift of compassion but there are a lot of people in this world who get extremely uncomfortable in the ugly. If we weren't in front of a computer screen, but together I wouldn't be able to not give you a hug!
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