17 - “The Worst Thing is Never The Last Thing” Go Back. Genesis 36-37

#17 - The worst thing is never the last thing. So, hold in your heart what God has already promised.  Genesis 37:5 #60000thoughts #talkingtomyself                                                 

                                                         

No words.

And it all starts with a dream that God gives Joseph in Gen 37:5 —- a dream to hold onto. A prospect of hope that he will not be imprisoned forever. None of us will be in our circumstance forever. Then, Joseph waits for word from his father to join his brothers, at the right time.  He readily waits for his command to go.  Do we?  And then what happens...no words for it.  His very own brothers throw Joseph into a pit to perish while they sit down to eat bread together.  That one sin of theirs turns into multiple as they attempt to coerce, hide, manipulate, lie, steal, murder.  One sin teaches them they must conceal it again and again through their whole lives---for they don't change.  They go on ruling their own lives. Joseph goes through unthinkable troubles over decades because of that one sin.  Yet.  Joseph moved through troubles by righteous living, letting Christ reign over a prison.  May Christ reign in our lives today, no matter the circumstances.

The brothers all sat down to eat bread together while their abandoned brother begged for help from the bottom of a waterless cistern.  The brothers shared their water with each other---but how could they trust each other?  Only Ruben showed a morsel of guilt with an intent to go back after-a-while and rescue the tossed away Joseph.  And Ruben was the oldest of the clan---the one with the most reason for revenge, the number one child.  Israel loved his son Joseph way too much---is there such a thing?  Did Israel love well?

"Loved more than the other sons." Genesis 37:3

PHOTO:  A dream to hold in your heart for a very long time…then…

Nothingness. A pit. A prison. Betrayed by his own brothers. Separated from his father.            

16 - "What's Most Alive in Me?” Genesis 34-35; Matthew 12

#16 Go back to the place where God answered you. Find what’s most alive in you. Genesis 35:1 #60000thoughts #talkingtomyself                                                             

                                                                        

Genesis 35:1 "Go back to Bethel," Jacob! You've just "missed" your daughter Dinah unbelievably! Go back, says God. Go back to the place where God answered you. This so speaks to my heart this day as it it did when we received very disrupting news that rocked my world. I didn't want to leave the church and people we so loved! God wasn't in it for us. Was He? The very first couple of pages of 66 Love Letters, Larry quotes Hosea 5:15 - "in their misery, they will earnestly seek Me." I sought God at that moment in my life like never before and He showed up like never before. Maybe, it’s more fitting to say: I showed up like never before.  It's been the best thing that ever happened to my walk with HIM. Really. I Love  Genesis 35:10 where God says He revealed Himself A.G.A.I.N. I AM THE STRONG GOD!

Dear Friends, no matter what happens, God is with you. It's really true.

 Always go back to the place where you were dependent and start fresh brand new again. 

I've hit such rock bottom at times. Never stayed. By His Grace. 

Worship "the One who answered me in the day of my distress and who has been with me wherever I have gone.” Genesis 35:1-3. 

... then the story of Joseph is so intriguing and this time I notice a little more that Joseph was arrogant, giving bad reports to his dad. It's a peek at Joseph's heart that is going to change. A peek at my own heart every day when sin shows up but so does God! It seems like I'm always having to go back to Bethel! What's most alive in me this day? What's most alive in you? What am I doing with matters of my heart?

Am I disrupted by the story of John the Baptist and how he learned the unforced rhythms of Grace?  "I should be!  God prefers a flexible heart to an inflexible ritual (Matt 12:7)."  "This is war, and there is no neutral ground (Matt 12:30).  If you're not on my side, you're the enemy...Consider this---"There's nothing done or said that can't be forgiven (Matt 12:32)."  Take heart!  "It's your heart that gives meaning to your words (Matt 12:34)."

PHOTO:  The place I go to ask these heavy questions. Go back to where God has answered you. Go back in your mind, in your heart, to a place. 

15 - “I Will Lift Up My Eyes” Genesis 32-33; Matthew 11

#15 Lift your eyes as if to signal through scores of generations: I am changed. I am both forgiven and forgiving. Genesis 33:5 #60000thoughts #talkingtomyself

                                                                         

Whether it was restraining grace, redeeming grace, or resisting grace, Esau and Jacob met and greeted as friends.  There's no addressing the awful animosity.  They only outdo one another in showing honor through gifts and manpower.  The wrestling Jacob must have truly met with God who empowers him to trust in this situation of 400 men, of a sudden, escorting his estranged brother.  If Jacob had fears, he faced them square on.  Seriously.  What a story.  And in Gen 33:5, Esau "lifts his eyes" as if to signal throughout the scores of generations, I am changed; I am new; I am both forgiven and forgiving.  The echo rings to today's world.  I lift my eyes to the mountains from where my help comes from.  And I pray like that watchtower Jacob trusted in that we all be friends.  It's what I want more than anything.  I could only hope that people were not mad at me.  My arms are open wide.  I'll never stop trusting in this life.  And we will all live together in peace in the next one.  Written with tears streaming down.

While John in the Book of Matthew in 11:3 is still asking - "Are you the One we've been expecting or are we still waiting?"  John asks the question from a dark damp dungeon---a prison cell for preaching truth.  But it's Jesus' reply knowing the rest of the story that grips me this day.  "Go to the prison and tell John:  The blind see, the lame walk, lepers are cleansed, the deaf hear, the dead are raised, the wretched of the earth learn that God is on their side."  We know the rest of the story in Matt 14: 11-12...John's head would be carried on a platter at Herod's birthday party at the request of Herodian and her daughter.  John wasn't healed or saved from a horrendous death.  John knew something I don't know as he wrestled through Jesus leaving him from prison cell to prison cell.  Yet John was free.  When I lost one of my babies to miscarriage, Elisabeth Elliot wrote me the words of this passage. 

Are you burned out with what God is asking of you?  Are you worn out with your life, your family, your friends, your ministry?  Matt 11:28-30 - "Come to Me.  Get away with Me and you'll recover your life.  How do you get away with Jesus?  He will show you how to take a real rest.   "Walk with Me and work with Me---watch how I do it.  Learn the unforced rhythms of Grace.  I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you.  Keep company with Me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."  

PHOTO: The city where I live I’ve spilt a few tears in these waters. 

14 - “God Never Intended for Us To Be Attached to Anyone But Him” Genesis 29-31; Matthew 10

 #14 God never intended for us to be attached to anyone else but Him. Genesis 29:34. #60000thoughts #talkingtomyself

Leah had tender eyes---weary from wanting to be loved. Genesis 29:31-35. What a way to spend your life. Not really knowing your worth, your love.  Jacob wanted to marry her sister, Rachel.  He was willing to serve Laban every single day---no malice there---for he could wait, his happiness in heaven. It ended up being 21 years and he then stealthily left. And Leah, never to be forgotten, would become the mother of the progenitor of Christ Himself.  

I've spent way too much of my life wanting to be loved, but on this monumental day in my history, I must say I am loved beyond all I dared believe. And I know it in deep places I have not known before. 

We just read that God was in the place and Jacob knew it not. 

God was in a DM and we knew it not. 

I volunteered to help my pastor husband, Bob, look at his birthday messages---he doesn't know how to maneuver through FB.

There in the DM was 42 messages. One read: "Call me. I have nothing negative to say." It was from the pastor that let Bob go as executive pastor of 27 years at the same church. We left in bewildering disappointment even though we were invited to stay. Our choice to leave.  Lost lifelong friends we had babies with---the ones our kids grew up with. It has been 19 years since we left. And now a DM to reach out. The request had been sitting in Bob's DM for 4 months. God was in this place. I am beyond words to say Bob did reach out. This is the first time I have responded on social media to the incident---out of respect for the decisions made and out of respect for the people who carried the decision out. 

There is one blaring word God said to me through this journey:

Genesis 29:34. Leah has a 3rd son and says: At last, my husband will now become attached to me.

God never intended for me to be attached to any strong person. Any strong pastor.

I was a mess. I still am a mess. But, I am a beautiful mess. 

God stood me on my feet again and it has been one of the best things that has ever happened to me.

PHOTO:  God was in this place and we knew it not.  

The #1 pastor said he was just trying to grow his church. God was in this. Always is. God was in this move. 

13 - “Don’t Force The Story” Genesis 27-28; Matthew 9

 #13 - Very well could be that God is in this place, and I know it not. Genesis 28:16

It was a full-fledged lie.  Again.  Rebekah took the very best garments of Esau's, skins of the best young goats, and the most delicious homemade foods and breads.  And she placed it all inside the palms of Jacob, her favorite.  God never intended for us play favorites in this life.  What are you really saying when you communicate one child is "special," more so than the next?  Genesis 27:15.  Rebekah knew the blessing was supposed to go to Jacob so she jumped right in to make God's will happen.  God does not need our helpfulness to bring about His Will.  He can turn the king's heart like a watercourse.  Prov. 21:1.  He will.  All three involved in the drama manipulated to accomplish what they thought was good for them and others. 

Not only did Jacob cheat Esau out of the birthright, but Jacob has just usurped the blessing from his older brother with a little help from his mother.  Genesis 27:36.  And his mother plots to send Jacob to her brother, Laban.  Rebekah will never see Jacob again.  Although Isaac believes he is nearing death, he goes on to live 43 more years to the age of 180, according to Martin Luther.  And all three in the love triangle must live with what they have done and the repercussions.  The most severe response comes from Esau who wants the blessing back.  He responds with the intent of murder.  This is one messed up family.  And this is the lineage that Christ chose to make his own, from the families of Jacob. 

I see and hear myself, bits and pieces, weaved into the story.  I want the best for my life, for my children.  Even this day.  Will I be driven to dependence on the Providential Hand of God on my life?

Meanwhile … Jacob has a dream. What sets us up for dreams?  I wonder.

Frozen Shoulder set me up---I started having startling unspeakable nightmares, night terrors.
One night it was four in a row. Same theme:  death.
The ingredients of Jacob's Dream: 
* a tumultuous journey; a guilty conscience; no place for his head *
A rock for a pillow. 
A ladder to climb.
God says:  I am Jehovah, the God of your father and your God.
I will not leave you until I have accomplished all the things I have promised to you.
God is everywhere upholding all things by His Power
and God was here in a special sense. 
A signal token of His Presence darting from the heavens.
Jacob didn't expect to meet God in such a place.
Remember Mary at Christ's elbow and she knew it not. John 20:13.
Now Jacob, God is in this place and I knew it not. Genesis 28:16.
May we find Him today between a rock and a hard place.

Overlay the New Testament:

What do I think deep within? How will I reason the matters in my mind today? What will I conclude? What will I firmly believed about my issues? Will I be strongly impressed and influenced by the Spirit of God? 

"She said to herself, “If I only touch his cloak, I will be healed.” Matthew 9:21. 

Reach in and up. And keep on believing in the face of loss and love!

PHOTO:  Walking the beaches of Santa Rosa Island praying Psalm 123:2 --- recanting and relenting and listening and lifting eyes to the heavens for help.  I must live knocking on that Door, no other.  

12 - “Live in Your Longing Conditions, Don’t Bargain” Genesis 26; Matthew 8

#12 Live in your longings, don’t bargain. Genesis 26:1 #60000thoughts #talkingtomyself                                                                                                       

A bargain for a birthright. Genesis 26.

Esau owned the birthright by Providence---why wouldn't he want it?
Jacob longed for the birthright by Promise---why wouldn't he wait for it?
It was supposed to be a double portion.
A spiritual birthright of privilege.
A powerful birthright of excellence.                                                                                                           Jacob wanted the spiritual blessings but went about it in an indirect way.                                                    He knew the "smell of the scent" from his tents says M. Henry.

Jacob stepped into the opportunity that Esau let slip through his hairy hands.
"If we use ourselves to deny ourselves, we break the forces of most temptations."

Esau reasoned poorly---I'm going to die.
How many times we all are in "longing conditions" and
have to have what is right in front of us.
Better to die in longing then live in the disgrace.
I know that feeling thinking I have to have something. Preschoolers, like these sweet ones, know it all too well. They want what they see. Nothing else will please. And, —- I'm stuck in that moment.

One of the first miracles recorded is healing a leper who was “shut out” by the community. The healing is proof of the power of God for no man can heal a leper. We all have leprosy of the soul—-sin is the leprosy of the soul shutting us ot from communion with God.  Christ can make us clean. No guilt is so so great. Lord, if You will, I throw myself at Your Feet. Jesus touched him. Touced a leper. Christ spoke a kind word: “I will.” Yes, I will heal you. Grace speaks. Matthew 8. 

PHOTO: A 3-year-old birthday party. 

11 - “People Are Ruined By Not Repenting” Genesis 25; Matthew 7

11 - Go to “The Well of the One Who Sees Me” and live in dependence on the right things. Genesis 25:11 #60000thoughts #talkingtomyself

                                                              

God says right here if we ask for a fish, He won't give us a snake.  Oh for deep discernment to see what is truly going on around us.  The transition to verse 7 is stark.  The preceding verses talk of judging others.  We are bent on changing our husbands, our children, our friends.  But God interrupts us here and says---Ask!  How shall we dare love and give and seek?  Only by His Power.  So, ask!

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened." Matthew 7:7. Absolute words!  Ask! Seek! Knock! "Distinct degrees of intensity," says Matthew Henry. 

The beautiful point of this sermon on a mount is that in all of our difficulties, large or small, we are to seek God's Hand. Persevere importunately. It is always right to desire the good things.  It is always wrong to demand and connive to get them for ourselves.  Do we walk after our own eyes? Job 31:7. "If we use ourselves to deny ourselves, we break the force of most temptations." M. Henry.  Esau wasn't starving to death for pottage in that wealthy house, he just held contempt for the supposed blessings---what good are they when I am dead?  So Esau makes a really bad bargain by eating and drinking and pleasing his own palate and "put the bargain past recall." Genesis 25:33. Esau doesn't give much thought to this one. "People are ruined, not so much by doing what is amiss, as by doing it and not repenting of it." M. Henry. Nothing has meant more to me in my 

On "Biblehub," their theologian attests to the beauty of God's Power moving in miracles in a watershed experience:  "When God performs a miracle, His abundant Power often does not stop with that initial miracle," and look . . . Abraham has his first child at 100 and goes on to have another one.  Here are some other examples from the Word:

1.  When Hannah (who was barren) had her prayer answered for a son (Samuel), 

she was later blessed with 3 more sons and 2 daughters - I Sam 1; 2.

2. After the miracle of Jesus' resurrection, many bodies of saints around Jerusalem 

came out of their graves and appeared to many - Matthew 27.  

"God's Power knows no limits."  

And then it happened, Isaac lost the stalwart love of his life, his father Abraham.  "And Isaac settled at Beer-lahai-roi.  Gen 25:11.  In his sorrow and distress and aloneness, Isaac went to the well of the One Who Sees Me. The well where he met his beloved Rebekah. The same spot where Hagar had gone for help in the wilderness.  Ishmael went once but it was a casual visit, like worldly people attending church on Christmas and Easter.  On the other hand, Isaac "dwelt" there and made this well his source of living supply.  Isaac knew where to live in dependence on the right things.  It was there, in this wilderness, Isaac grew.  "Where a man dwells is a huge test of what he is made of.  Where we spend our time.  May God find us living at Beer-lahai-roi.  

PHOTO: One of the most unspeakably beautiful places I have ever experienced. 

10 - “The Chief Concern is With Whom Shall We Rise” Genesis 23-24; Matthew 6

 10 - Live loosely with the attachments to this life. Our chief concern always should be: With Whom shall we rise. Genesis 24:1

                                                                      

Live loosely with all the Attachments to this life.  Lighten the grip.  Don't be overly spiritual.  Seek after heavenly graces.  Pay your due respect to all, even if they are unworthy bad actors.  Happens every single day.  Those who have the least on this earth still have a grave.  There is a place of burial for each one of us.  Be content where you live.  We can find joy in unfulfilled desires.  Abraham lived contented to be a pilgrim in a promised land.  He lived more concerned about securing the place where he was going. Genesis 24:1 - blessed in every way.   

"The chief concern is with whom we shall rise." M. Henry. 

Because lawlessness is increased, most people's love will grow cold.  Matthew 24:12.  

Isn't that our world today---such decline of morality, true religion.  

So much love grown cold.  

May we be vigilant...watch and wait for He is coming back for me, for you.  

Meanwhile, if God opens a door of escape, take it. Too often, I want to make it harder and pay for my sins.  "We ought to make our escape, otherwise we do not trust God."  Matthew Henry. Unthaw this freezing heart of mine.  May our love never stay cold.  

Because One Day this will all be over.  All this worldly glory will be gone.

All these things we have cared about way too much.

See through the possessions and the physical beauty and the parades and the pomp.

See right through the facade to the Day we live for:

Falling Stars from the sky. 

Darkened Sun under head.  

Forgotten Moon failing to turn on the light. 

Powerful Heavens shaken to the core.

Appearing Son of Man---in the Sky.

Mourning Tribes of the earth.

Watchful Eyes see Someone coming on the clouds.

Sending Angels to gather His Elect from the 4 winds.

So,

Mattthew 6:1 Beware of practicing your righteousness before other people in order to be seen by them, for then you will have no reward from your Father who is in heaven. Your Father who sees in secret will reward you when you give to the needy in secret (6:3), when you pray in secret (6:5), when you fast in secret (6:18).  

      Though I may feel empty even this day, I am filled with His Spirit.  
      I will Give in secret from Trusted Fullness rather than
      Grasping for visible Demanded Fullness.
      No matter how I feel or what goes wrong today,
      I can Live to Give in secret and Not to Grasp.
      I can bring a taste of Heaven to Earth.
      Paraphrased from 66 LL

PHOTO: A Freezing Mount Rainier

9 - “What Competes in our Hearts for Sovereignty?” Genesis 21-22

#9 What competes in our hearts with Sovereignty? Do we love our children more? Do we love our world more? Genesis 22:1

Abraham planted a grove, a garden.  And he called on the Name of the Lord, the Eternal God.  Genesis 21:33.  And he lingered there.  This wasn't just a practice for him---this was a profession of profound faith.  I've made some stands this week that have fallen on silence.  But, this is not about me.  This life is about worshipping the One who has always been, always here, always will be---no matter what the town says; no matter what their faces show. 

Abraham loved God more than his father---he left his father's land and all behind.

He went through so many trials and testings.  Doesn't exempt us from further ones.
It's what people give me the hardest saying about:  

they really don't want to hear
that one more thing has happened in my life or their own life.  

Don't even tell me---
is what the mantra seems to be. 

Where does my default thinking end up?  Do I love God more?  Do I love God more than my children?  Do I love God more than people and what they say to me? 

I didn't think I would end my life struggling with acceptance but I am. 

Does anyone even want to read anything I write? Probably not. But one child asked me to write. 

So, here it is with all honesty. 

So, back to Abraham---does Abraham love God more than his precious son, Isaac?
He is about to find out.
Abraham.

  God calls his name.

"Here I am." What are are you saying to your servant tonight, my Lord? Genesis 22:1
No one could be prepared for what was about to happen.
Kill your son, Isaac.
God tells Abraham he must have his son, his only son, the son Sarah wept to bear.  
The son of your laughter.  That one.
Yes, the one who is as your own very soul.
Do it in the land of Moriah, a 3-day journey for you to consider your every step.
With no known reason like other trials where the reasoning was seen. 

Hey, do we demand to know the reason for the things that happen to us when in unknown territory? Sometimes, I think God is punishing me for my mishandling of life. I used to say that to you all---maybe God is disciplining you in this?  You all never liked that.  Ever.  Wish I had not ever said that phrase.  We aren't being punished for our sins---our sins are forgiven and forgotten.  Mea culpa to my children.  

When God sees that it is in man's necessity, He will see to it Himself that it is yours.  The Lord provided for Abraham a lamb in the thicket.  Gen 22:14. The Hebrew word for "provide" means to see it to completion, to do it yourself. and, The Jehovah God provides to this very day.  What is it that our little family really needs?  Holiness. 

It was the Voice of God behind Abraham. He turned and lifted his eyes up, behind him, to heaven. The Voice of Providence. In the thicket. A substitute for your son, Isaac. Jehovah-jireh, the Lord will provide. Deep signficance. The One Who provides this ram in the thicket will provide the "atoning victim of which this ram is a type." In the fulness of time, according to Luke. And we have known the fulness of that time when Christ came, unlike anyone in the OT.

No delay in any way or form on Abraham's part.

Why? Scripture interprets Scripture. Abram knew Genesis 15 1-18...

An Incomparable Covenant of Love.

The day never to be forgotten...

promised seed - Christ himself

promised land - Heaven above.

So, no delay in Abram's obedience.
He even distanced himself from his own servants not to intercede or intercept.
A holy willfulness with the heaviest heart carried by any known man on earth.
Abraham bound the hands that had reached out to grab him as his daddy.
The hands that folded in prayer with his dad.  Abraham bound those hands.
The Sun of Righteousness broke through.
Lay not your own hand upon that son.
The answer:  Abraham loved God more than he loved Isaac.
What competes in our heart for the rule of the sovereignty of God?

And a thought and a prayer:  "If You will" - God, please change our hearts.  You see the struggles.  You hear our cries. God accomplishes His purposes, always.

And it also may just be smack dab in the middle of
wandering in a wilderness.
Things may not seem as they appear:
The provision was straight in front of her face in her wilderness.
The answer meant staying and living in a wilderness. Wandering ... 

Hagar lifted up her voice and wept ... 

God heard the cries of her 14-year-old son ...
not the momma's cries.
Take him by the hand.  … And then! God opened the eyes of the momma.  Genesis 21:17 

PHOTO: My youngest son with my daughter’s oldest son. . I cannot imagine. 

8 - “We are All Seasick Together” Genesis 19-20

#8 “But I thought” —- we all have to wrestle in our hearts with the Truth. Genesis 20:11.  If it truly were a matter of the mind, we could change our minds.

Because I thought in my heart that there is no fear of God in this place.  Genesis 20:11.  Therefore, I took matters into my own hands again and said: "She's my sister" so they wouldn't kill me.  Here is Abraham, the faithful patriarch, back to where he was before, deceiving people, throwing people into the path of sin, offering excuses, disregarding his own wife, and not living in that "counted as righteousness" life.  In the Hebrew the verse is translated:  "But I thought" . . .  If it were a matter of the mind, we could change ours.  It's deeper than knowledge, it's our heart that must wrestle with God.  Just like Abraham and Sarah. 

And what does God do?  Forgives.  Gives life after, wait, how many years of no children for Abraham?  36,500 suns will rise on this gentleman's life before the promise lives.  Waited a century.  100 years.  Isaac.  Oh, to wait on God.  Oh, to go to God.  Like the unpretentious unassuming Abimelech, who rose early for directions.  Oh God!

God, You promise us that You will act on behalf of those who wait for You, not for a baby, not for a solution, not even for protection.  For You and You Alone, may we wait.  Isaiah 64:4

G. K. Chesterson once said "We are all seasick together."  Just tell me what I have to do to obey you, God, and I'll work out a way to go do it.  I'll crawl on glass for you. I'll walk a tightrope.  Oh my.  We so want the Bible to be a road map to get us there. We silently scream: Give me the plan and we will do it.

PHOTO: On top of a hill on the Rocky Mountains thinking about waiting for God to change me and how I'm always called to move to love.  Move this mountain in my life, God.

       You and I have need of the strongest spell 
       that can be found to wake us from
       the evil enchantment of worldliness which
       has been laid upon us for nearly a hundred years.               
                               C. S. Lewis The Weight of Glory

7 - "God Rises on Swollen Souls" Genesis 17-18; Matthew 5

#7 God opens swollen eyes---there is a well of water in grace. God rises on swollen souls. Genesis 18                                          

                                                         

God visited Sarah in mercy.  Here it is.  His Word.  Not one word falls to the ground. 

Never was I as sure God had visited me than my 3rd and 4th children, Blair and Britt.
I could have died in childbirth with Blair or never wanted another baby again.
Took me one month to even get my strength back after Blair.  But God.
I never imagined that Britt would make it through the turbulent pregnancy. Swollen eyes.
We just didn't know that His time to be born would be 7 years later.  God sets the time not parents. 

Abraham and Sarah both stand up in their old age to listen and honor and obey
the God they had laughed at, the God they had lied to. 
These are imperfect people whom God loves immensely. Swollen souls.

When God rises on our souls and we embrace Him, the dawning is inconceivable. 
And it just may be in a wilderness, again, like Hagaar.  Sent there by Abraham.
God opens her swollen screaming eyes.  There is a well of water in grace. 

Matthew 5. Go with God. Be a peacemaker for all that is broken.                                                                                                                                    

That we may keep the peace that it be not broken.                                That we may recover the peace when it is no more.  

Photo: Dawn at the spot where I go to pray. The Quarries in Austin. Swollen waters from tears.

6 - "You Are A God of Seeing" Genesis 14-16

#6 - You are a God of Seeing---my betrayal, my flight, my thirst, my hunger to be known, my desire to be loved, my hope for a child.                            

                                                         

It's a doomed star.  

No hope beside that place where you sit.

Here are those simple telling questions again: Where have you come from and where are you going? Genesis 16:8. 

A servant slave who accepted an advance from her owner.  Abram and Sarah didn't call on God for help. They set out to control their worlds.  They concocted a plan to have a son.  And Hagar, Sarah's servant obliges.  And Sarah's jealousy rages when she learns that Hagar has conceived.  What???  Her full-throttle anger sends Hagar to the desert.  

And it is t.h.e.r.e. that Hagar calls the name of the Lord who spoke to her, "You are a God of seeing, for she said, 'Truly here I have seen Him who looks after me." Genesis 16:13.  Hagar was the first of the trio involved in sin to call on the name of the Lord---the lowest one, the weakest one.  She knew that God saw all:  her betrayal to her mistress Sarah, her flight into a wilderness, her thirst at a fountain, her hunger to be fully known, her desire to be fully loved, her hopes for a child.  

A God of seeing.  And He wanted her just as she was with all the workings of her heart.  Beautiful repentance.

Oh! to know the God of seeing a little more clearly this day!  The God Who sees everything with Eyes of Providence for He sees everything that is happening in all of our world. And there is so much happening in my world today that looms impossible, insignificant, incredible, ignominious.  May we trust You, God with what we cannot see.

 Antique words written for this very day.

What outward/inward evils do we face? We know we made it through a global health crisis.                    There's a shield ready and round about.                                                                                                         Never assured of full exemption.  Always assured of full redemption.                                                      Assured of a providential hand turning the watercourses of our day.

Don't be afraid.  I AM your Reward. Genesis 15:1
God caused Abraham to fall into a deep sleep to reassure the immigrant.
Imagine being an immigrant then and today.
So many things to fear.  Yet...
If we love and trust our God,
it is Enough on this earth.
it is Everything in heaven.

PHOTO:  Credit belongs to NASA on Flickr.  A "Doomed Star" - copyright free.

5 - "We Are All Headed To Another Country" Genesis 12-13

 #5 You are headed to a heavenly country. What's the next stop along the way? Genesis 12:1 #60000thoughts #talkingtomyself

                                                  

My kids, they all live where I am not.  Except for one. Not for long, though.  I have to let them go. You spend 18 years together and the chapter ends. How can I live in the present moment without them. I love them so. Know this. We are all called to another country. Move on. Job done. Go on with God. Hold them close forever. 

The Creator of this wide world told Abram to go from his country, from his people, from his father's household to a land God would show. Gen 13:1 And so Abraham left Egypt. He and his wife and everything he owned. 

The Unknown. Don't we sit there in some ways this very day. I don't know how much longer we can live here in Austin. After a decade, I can say I have a host of supporters and followers. I feel deeply appreciated. And I feel deeply alone. I've made "no friends" here that will give me their presence. People are so caught up in their own lives. Then, throw a year's worth of a pandemic on the pile back in 2020. The Creator God just might be telling us to move, to go, to love, to stop. Why did Abram leave it all. Divine Guidance. His sole decision based on a premise---he was headed to a heavenly country and it was the next stop along the way. So, what's my next stop along the way?

Photo: Brooke circa 1988 So, she left. 2012

4 - "Don't Live To Make A Name for Yourself" Genesis 10-11; Matthew 4

#4 Don't live in contempt of court. It's not right to live to make a name for yourself." Genesis 11:4 #60000thoughts #talkingtomyself      

                                                                 

                                                           We live in such a celebrity society.

But, castles crumble.

Unspoken pressure exists unaware to make a name for yourself.

"Let us build for ourselves a city so that we may make a name for ourselves." Genesis 11:4

10,000 fathoms high in the sky, One Kingdom.

It's the Wrong Kingdom to make a name, perpetuate who we are.

May we live transparent and see how we misdirect to make life center around our name.

We are all born with a given name. 

May you live up to your names---the ones inscribed on His Hands. 

And my prayer for each of us is that we would call on His Name Alone. 

And I want to pass on what I think is deeply touching as I reflect over my life this past year.
An ordinary life with a handful of followers.  People won't read me because they aren't interested in the unknown folks or the older folks, anymore. In previous generations, we had clout.  Not so in this culture.  

But what I have seen and heard and felt, I want to record for my children's children whom I will not know as adults but only as children.  And I'll never know their children either.  Wish I could hold them.  So, I am writing to those future adults whom I love fiercely.  Think about these things. You can only hold one thought or so in your mind at a time---they say we have up to 60,000 thoughts per day. These are God's thoughts for us. And, the thought from today's reading is this---let us not defy or defeat the Counsel of Heaven. Don't live in contempt of court---contempt of the Divine Will, contempt of this counsel of Noah.  

Maybe, I'm wrong in some ways.  Maybe, I'm right in some ways about spiritual things.  Bob said tonight at our favorite Mexican restaurant, "Christianity is very disruptive."  It is.  So many things I don't know.  I just know I deeply understand and believe and trust and follow my Creator. Nothing can snatch me out of His Hands.  It would have already happened... .

PHOTO:  Santa Rosa Island where we've gone for the past several decades every tender June. A children's castle caught my eye. Because. Castles can crumble. Live for Him not for ourselves.

3 - "Live to Cover Not to Expose" Genesis 7-9; Matthew 3

#3 The Lord shut Noah in an ark for one year. Has the Lord "shut us in" to make us holy? Genesis 7:16. And here's another thought from today's reading - Live to "cover" not to "expose." Genesis 9:26. #60000thoughts #talkingtomyself

                                                                                      State of Florida Library

Flooding from the worst engineering disaster in US history decimated 80% of my hometown of New Orleans and displaced every known living relative of my parents.  I never heard again from the handful of relatives.  Catalytic.  Catastrophic.

Noah never heard again from any of the thousands of people who died in the flood of his day---those who held evil intentions continually. Serious business here. 8 Survivors.  Noah lived because he found favor and walked with God---and he took his family with him.   

What would it be like to see your world fall apart in front of your ark window while you rocked safely on the untested waters for six months, crammed next to your questioning family and not-so-quiet thousands of animals---some commentaries say 16,000 in all.  An unbelievable story of faith in the midst of screaming deadly circumstances.  What things loom and look impossible to me this year?  Even this week!  "The Lord shut them in" ~ Genesis 7:16.  Has the Lord "shut us in" to make us holy? 

May we know this day, we are a remembered tribe.  And that changes everything.  I hope I remember how much I want new eyes, new ears, a new voice.  And to be like the two brothers in Genesis 9:26 covering their father's shame.  Moving in to truly love. Wonder what that looks like in this life of ours?  I know it's not a safe dismissiveness.  No.  No cool distances.  Move to love. Live to cover not to expose. A blanket of grace. 

And in the NT, the question of living right, good morals, is center stage. If I drop a piece of info into the right slot, would it be morally right?  Do I live by morals alone? "Here is the rub: one must be more zealous to please God than to avoid sin. One's obedience to God must be forward-oriented and zealous and free, and to be a mere moralist or pietist would make such a life impossible." Eric Metaxas. Matthew 3:3 Prepare the way. It's not about "doing" but about "being," and You, Holy Spirit, to help us in this life of ours prepare the way for our Lord.  

PHOTO:  State of Florida library. Copyright free. 

2 - "The Morning Stars Still Sing" Genesis 4-6; Matthew 2

Ask yourself why you are angry, what's really going on with your responses? Why is your face sad? Genesis 4:6-7. What's going on within? #60000thoughts #talkingtomyself

                                                                  

I taught my preschool kids Genesis 4:6-7 because the verse before it says: "Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast?" I wanted them to learn to deal with their own hearts and not everybody else's, especially siblings. But, it's for me on so many mornings. I'm waiting out a call from my oncologist plus waiting out a very long recovery from a freak fall.  Still having awful spasms in my back from the spill.  But more than what is happening physically, I need to look at my own heart, deal with my own stuff. And as I do ...  Things aren't as they appear.  And a tear falls.  I'm just not where I thought I would be in life or in soul or story or in friends.  So, I'll keep walking in that darkness, trusting, no light.  And I'll keep asking the same question the 3 Wise Men asked in Matthew 2---where is He? The North Star brought them to the Savior in a Manger.  The North Star sang. The Morning Stars still sing. Job 38:7---from that First Day of Creation to this very day.

My Prayer for today is for deliverance from what grabs my soul that is not right and good and just.  I've been more concerned about my body healing than my soul healing.   

PHOTO:  Stars singing. Stock photo. Free Images. Copyright free. 

1 - "There Is A Creator" Genesis 1-3; Matthew 1

Wonder about Creation, spoken by a Word, not for your curiosity, but for your soul to know this---There Is A Creator who moved over the earth for you. What will you do with that thought this moment you are in? Genesis 1 #60000thoughts #talkingtomyself

                                                       

The Old Testament

God is Brooding over our very lives this very day. Genesis 1:2.                                                                Darkness was on the face of the deep.                                                                                                        Was it the same darkness that we have every night in the pitch black of the fortnight?                            

It's a soundless moment, Then, a Word Spoken and a Creation painted for us, not for our curiosity, but for our very souls to know this---There is a Creator. Genesis 1:3. And He knows you.                              And once upon a blackness, the Creator moved over the burgeoning darkness and gave energy to a nascent world.  He brooded like a mama bird over its young, says the Hebrew commentaries.  And I believe it was George MacDonald who alluded that we were then born in His Thoughts in that darkness. Beams of dazzling light began to unwrap, unravel, undo the chaotic mass. 

The Creative Spirit of God is the principle of all life.  This is the only Center we have and know, my friends.  And He is still hovering over you and your life this new day, new year.  I pray you may know deeply His moves, His hovering. Especially over your darkest spots. The dark nights have always been the hardest of times for me.  Still are. This I know:  A Good God is brooding over all my nights and days. "One Grand Providence," (MacDonald) if we just believe it. 

The New Testament

There are names listed in the genealogy I do not know.  There are some names, we know too well for their impropriety, their immortality, their idolatry.  This is who God sent His son to save.  He sent His Son to save me from myself.  My name was born in His Thoughts.  My name is inscribed on His Hands. A Holy God broods over all the darkness.  

PHOTO:  30,000 feet above the Earth. A blanket of clouds covering Kansas City where I will land for a visit with my grandchildren. God is brooding here.

READING PLAN

    

                             

Bibliography for "A String of Pearls" 2025

                                                           B I B L I O G R A P H Y

Buechner, Frederick Beyond Words: Daily Readings in the ABC's of Faith. (San Francisco, Harper & Row, 2004).

Buechner, Frederick Telling Secrets. (San Francisco, Harper & Row, 1991).

Buechner, Frederick The Sacred Journey. (San Francisco, Harper & Row, 1982).

Chesterton, G.K. 

Crabb, Larry 66 Love Letters. (New York, Thomas Nelson, 2011).

Gill Commentary

Lewis, C.S. The Weight of Glory, 

librarysearch.stthomas.edu

MacDonald, George The Best of George MacDonald. Honor Books. Trade Paperback. 

MacDonald, George and Larsen, Timothy Diary of an Old Soul. IVP Academic/ ePub. 

Matthew Henry Commentary

Metaxas, Eric 7 Men and the Secret of Their Greatness (Thomas Nelson, 2015).

Patrick, St. The Confession of St. Patrick. (Grand Rapids, Michigan, Mt. Christian Classics Ethereal Library, c. 390).A

365 - "Coming Soon" Revelation 22

 

...

In this uncertain world where we live, there is only One Who is Faithful and True. People will let us down. We will face loss in this world. We will never lose. He has defeated the enemy. He showed John a pure river of water of life, clear as crystal, proceeding out of the throne. Rev 22:1. The river of life here on earth is muddied, cursed. There will be no more curse. One Day Soon. So, keep this book open. It will affect your eternity. To those who are walking with God, this book is alive and active. It will confirm, strengthen, encourage, and sanctify those who know Him and keep it. 

As we close Revelation, may we never think that what is dead in our lives will count, will save, will carry. It won't. There is no middle ground. Jesus Christ is the center of all. This Word will penetrate us, even to dividing soul and spirit. It will judge the thoughts and attitudes of our hearts. Heb 4:12. May we not leave this year without accepting the gracious invitation of The First and The Last. Let's earnestly thirst after greater measures of the gracious influences and His gracious presence. Glory be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Ghost; as it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be, world without end. Amen.

We raise our cups this New Year's eve to our new friends and old friends.  We'll take a cup of kindness yet, for Auld Lang Syne.  And when Revelations 20 - 22 happens, we'll raise our toast with Adam and Eve in The Shimmering City with Gates wide open where He will wipe every tear from our eyes.  Death will be gone for good---tears gone, crying gone, pain gone (Rev 20:14).  And the Book of Life will judge how each man and woman has lived their life.  I don't want to "miss" exchanging the days of this coming year for worthless stuff.  The Bible begins with the Tree of Life in Genesis...the Bible ends with the Tree of Life producing once again. 

"Blessed be the one who keeps the words of the prophecy of this book (Rev 22:10)."  That is the immense privilege of walking with you this year for you so long with every fray of your heart to keep His Word...and you do it.  

"Let the righteous maintain a straight course and the holy continue on in holiness (Rev 22:11)."  Because, He is on His way here!  And He is bringing His Payroll with Him.  "I'll pay all people in full for their life's work (Rev 22:12)."  The Bright Morning Star (Rev 22:16)!  "The grace of the Master Jesus be with all of you. Oh, Yes!" 

Raising a toast to each of you precious pearls on the eve of a new decade...
You've been so faithful to read His Word. 
Now, Keep His Word.
Let the holy continue on in holine

PRAYER FROM PSALMS Psalm 14:2 ~ The LORD looks down from heaven on all mankind to see if there are any who understand, any who seek God. As you look down on 2013, may we be found faithful to You, The First and The Last.

No more night.

Nights can petrify me. 

I don't know why. 

No more sun. 

Soon. 

And we will reign. Rev 22:5

He who testifies to these things 

And that would be me. 

 “Yes, I am coming soon.”

Amen. Come, Lord Jesus.

The grace of the Lord Jesus be with God’s people. Rev 22:20-21

Every day this year, I  wrote a snippet for you to remember. 

Happy New Year.  You are loved!

May all these words fall like rain on your heart. God loves you more than you can imagine. 

364 - "Former Things Have Passed Away" Revelation 21

                                                            

"Yet What are these wounds on your back?  The wounds I received in the house of my friends. Zechariah 13:6

Probably the hardest wounds I experienced.

Probably wounds that are even of my own making. 

God will wipe away every tear from your eyes; 

death shall be no more;

no more mourning nor crying nor pain.

The former things have passed away. Revelation 21:4.

It is the Gospel that has come to you.  

What will you do with it?

Living waters bent to you.

No matter what wounds, 

you are His People.  

363 - "A Worldwide Event Is Coming" Revelation 20

                                                                         .

"Yet Nothing could stand before or against the Presence, nothing in Heaven, nothing on earth. Revelation 20:11.

Then books were opened : the Book of Life. The dead were judged by what was written in the books, by the way they had lived. Revelation 20:12. 

So much to grab hold of and behold. 

He is coming. How then do we live? I am reminded of some of my favorite quotes from 66 Love Letters as I close this book ...

"If you could see right now what is happening in the Unseen World, you would be filled with hope.  You must trust Me for whatever tastes of Glory I choose to provide in this life. You have become a prisoner of hope."  66 LL

Yet we all live in days gone by:  You wonder how you failed, contributing to your children's failures.  You worry that your faith was too small.  "Satan encourages an obsessive and superstitious look at your failure."  I see all your failure---I bathe you until you become a Sweet Fragrance.  66 LL

"The legalist in you will want to mourn what was painful in the past and what is still painful today. You will want to focus more on healing past wounds and filling present emptiness than living in hope.  Do not obsess over yesterday's troubles or today's problems."   66 LL  Live in hope!

Find the present hope...

362 "Wishing Forward" Revelation 19

DECLARATION OF PRAISE
Revelation 19: 1-3 "I heard a sound like massed choirs in Heaven singing, Hallelujah! 

The salvation and glory and power are God's—His judgments true, His judgments just."

DAY OF REJOICING
Revelation 19:7-9  "Hallelujah! The Master reigns, our God, the Sovereign-Strong! Let us celebrate, let us rejoice, let us give him the glory! The Marriage of the Lamb has come; His Wife has made herself ready. ... The Angel said to me, "Write this: 'Blessed are those invited to the Wedding Supper of the Lamb.'" He added, "These are the true words of God!"

I wish forward for you your best life ever.  "Blessed are those who are invited to the Marriage Supper of The Lamb."  Rev 19:7-9.  Live to make yourself ready for that day.  That's the only Day that counts in this whole wide world of ours.  Live a life of longing to do right, be right, live right.  Groan inwardly.  Wait eagerly.  Wishing Forward.  He is coming soon.  Demand nothing in this life.  Endure everything that comes your way next year, every year.  He is coming soon. Persevere: the prospect of hope is huge. 

Behold, I saw a white horse, and He who sat on it is called Faithful and True, and in righteousness He judges and wages war.  His eyes are a flame of fire, and on His head are many diadems; and He has a name written on Him which no one knows except Himself. He is clothed with a robe dipped in blood, and His name is called The Word of God." Rev 19:11-13 It will be a worldwide event.  It is going to happen.  So, what am I doing this day to prepare for that day?  To prepare for my eternity?  I have the holy privilege of being invited by a Holy God into a relationship with Him.  Will I open the door and fellowship?  Of the increase of His Government and Peace, there will be No End.  Everything here will end.  Justice will prevail.  "Even now, our own land languishes under unjust judgment. Having rejected the cornerstone of our judicial system, we are rapidly tilting toward calling that which is evil good and that which is good evil." Isaiah 5:20.  The earth groans.  The earth yearns for justice.  Oh my soul!

PHOTO:  Quarries Lake where I go to reflect on what I am doing to prepare for that day.

361 - "Where Are You?" Revelation 14-18

 performance or lack thereof, but because of His Love. Wait only on Him.

                                               

DAZZLED FORLORN

Rev 17:8 -  "Earth dwellers whose names weren't written in the Book of Life from the foundation of the world will be dazzled when they see the Beast that once was, is no longer, and is to come."

DELECTABLE LUXURY GONE
Revelation 18:16  "Everything you've lived for, gone! All delicate and delectable luxury, lost!"  That's if your name isn't in the Book of Life.

"Where are you?"  It's a question asked to Adam after he blew it and tried to hide under fig leaves.  It's the same question that resonates in the Book of Revelations.  Where are you?  What are you struggling with? Are you really happy in life? 66 LL says:  "A happy God, a very happy God, created you to be happy.  And He has a plan...The happiness God gives in this life (not in the next) is discovered when we feel and embrace the profound disappointment that comes from living in a world that cannot satisfy our deepest desires and when we face and confess our entitled demand that we experience complete satisfaction now.  It's then that the Spirit of God puts us in touch with the hope from which springs the faith and love that keep us dancing into other people's lives.  And that's our happiness, for now.  (It's not the way I expected to pursue happiness.)...It would be a good idea when we hear God asking where we are for all of us to sit quietly enough and long enough to look squarely into the unpleasant reality that nothing that we're enjoying now is guaranteed to last, that things will get rough for all of us before we die, and that the happiness we rightly long for needs a better foundation than all the good things available in this world."  So, where am I?  What desires burn brightly in my soul this day AND am I still not satisfied?  So am I moving toward God and His Plan A or am I hiding, distant, or neglectful. 

360 - “A Place For You” Revelation 11-13

A wilderness.

The place God has for us.

Rev 13:7 - The dragon persecuted the woman who gave birth to the male child.  So what did God do?  He protected the woman by sending her to the wilderness, the place.  And when the dragon found her there, the place.  The Earth helped the woman.  God, in His Sovereign Will and Domain is protecting us every moment of every day.  Would we think that being sent to our wilderness is the best place for us? 

God had someone write long ago this very verse:  The Voice of the LORD shakes the desert.  The Voice of the LORD makes the barren wilderness quake.  O God, would you shake this wilderness we face.

PHOTO: Mount Rainier…mountains old as time, where a little boy wandered and grew in this place—-and God sent him to me. We all have a place in this world.

359 - “A Stable Bigger Than All The World” Revelation 6-9

                                                                    

 Merry Christmas! "A stable once had something inside of it that was bigger than our whole world." He is here. The day of all the year. 

"Her princes within her are roaring lions." Zeph 3: 3 She didn't trust. Don't be afraid. Don't let your hands be weak. Your God is among you. He will rejoice over you with joy. He will calm you in His Love. He will rejoice over you with singing. Zeph 3:17 It is with peculiar gladness that God rejoices over you. We come a total mess. We don't come in our best suits. The prevailing Almighty God. Right in the midst of the mess you are going through. Greater than all and no man can snatch me out of His Hand. John 10:29-30 He is for me. Who could be against me Rom 8:31. No one stands against my God. Full of Grace upon Grace. John 1:14-16 So, "strengthen the weak hands and confirm the feeble knees. Say to them that are of a feeble heart, Be strong. Fear not. Behold, your God comes, your God saves. Isa 35:3-4 The Lord delights in you. Isa 62:4 Isa 65:19 He rejoices over you for good. Deut 30:9 He meets the longing of your heart. Every token of love piled high on you expresses the Love of Him who broodeth, who yearns for His own whom He loves. "The unuttered, unutterable jubilee of the heart."

We proclaim to you the one who existed from the beginning, whom we have heard and seen. We saw him with our own eyes and touched him with our own hands. He is the Word of life. I John 1:1

They gazed upon Him. And these are the words we follow. "The future has invaded the present in the form of a small baby wrapped in swaddling clothes and lying in a manager – an unusual place to find the master and creator of the universe.

Yet this baby, with fire in his eyes, would change everything." George Eldon Ladd.

He came this day, and we still mark it 2,000 years later.  Had to be Something to that to stay around so long.  Born in secret solitude in a lowly of lowest place.  Hidden from all but parents and animals and shepherds doing what they knew to do that very day.  They met the future of the world.  The hope of a Kingdom to come.  And a very Present Shadow of that kingdom on earth.

And because of this...

Heb 6:9 - "we are persuaded of better things for you..."  God will not forget your labor of love.

You have a hope.  An anchor of your soul.  Heb 6:19.

A forerunner for you entered the picture.

Heb 7:25 - "and He is able to save you to the uttermost --- save those who draw near to Him.

And don't ever forget this---He ever lives to make intercession for you.

PHOTO: Merry Christmas to you and yours. Grandkids are the best gifts.