June 30 ... Psalm 86 - 89 "Let the Younger & Older Sons Grow in Me to Something Good"

Psalm 86 -   Bend an ear, God; answer me. I'm one miserable wretch! ...
You snatched me from the brink of disaster!  ...
As you, God, gently and powerfully put me back on my feet.
A saved mess.  A glorious mess.

Psalm 87 - God registers their names in his book ...
Can I fathom the Mystery that my name is there?

Psalm 88 - God, you're my last chance of the day. I spend the night on my knees before you ...
Take notes on the trouble I'm in ...
You turned my friends against me ...
Blinded by tears of pain and frustration ...
My only friend left is Darkness ...
Pain.
Frustration.
What do I do with that?

Psalm 89 - You put the arrogant ocean in its place
You put your arrogant child in moments like today
that I may see into my heart.

I've thought a whole lot this year about the story of the Prodigal Son.  In his book about the prodigal, Henri Nouwen writes:  "Can I let the younger and older son grow in me to the maturity of the compassionate father?"  The father is who I must become, he writes.  As the father deals with his own anger and loneliness, his anger turns to solitude and his loneliness turns to gratitude.  I am that younger and older brother.  Frustration.  Anger.  Pain.   Can you grow both of my sides into a compassion that moves into the lives of others in the midst of my own mess?

June 29 ... Psalm 80 - 85 "Every Heartache Creates Space God Alone Can Fill"

Psalm 80:7 God-of-the-Angel Armies, come back!

Psalm 84:2  God-of-the-Angel-Armies! I've always longed to live in a place like this...

Psalm 84:5-6 How blessed are all those in whom You live, whose lives become roads You travel.

"But every heartache will create space that I Alone can fill.  And I will.  You will learn to wait in Hope.  'My soul years, even faints, for the courts of the LORD...Blessed are those...who have set their hearts on pilgrimage.  As they pass through the Valley of Baca, seasons of weeping, they make it a place of springs' (Psalm 84:2, 5-6)" 66 LL.

Praise God that this season of weeping we endure is being turned into a place of springs---only God can do that for me and HE is!  Learning to wait in Hope with you my friends no matter what the circumstance.  I cannot change my family, my friends, can't even persuade. Oh, I just love HIM so.  So grateful for rest uncovered in the midst of some hard times.  HE doesn't replace our distress with rest.  He uncovers it as I detach from the lesser good of this life and attach to His Greater Good in this present moment. Letting go of what I think needs to change in others.  Becoming a little more solid despite what it looks like.

What do I need to let go of to surrender to find Him and a place of springs?  Or am I missing life so caught up in weeping for my loss?  Do I awaken in Hope this day? YES and YES and YES. Will you wait with me in Hope for our Beautiful God---He's coming!

June 28 ... Psalm 78 - 79 "What value is greater in me: Present Comfort or a Commitment to God's Present Purposes

Psalm 78: 1 -2 Listen, dear friends, to God's truth, bend your ears to what I tell you.  Stories we heard from our fathers, counsel we learned at our mother's knee...The Ephraimites could not have cared less about God,
wanted nothing to do with his Covenant.  And it's verse 78:38 that captures my heart.  Our God was compassionate to them and forgave them.  He offers us forgiveness for every time we act curved in on ourselves.  How I love Psalm 78:39 - He knows what we are made of.  He knows our frame, our weaknesses.   He knows what a step of faith looks like for me, for you---it's different, you know.  So, what does a step of faith look like for me this day?  If God knows my frame, what is He beckoning me to, calling my name, to move into a deeper walk of faith?  What do I want more than the Love of my Christ?  There's a battle going on, as Crabb says, BETWEEN an obsession with my present comfort as the highest value (no cancer, good health, no kids living distant from God, enough money to live, no major problems) AND a commitment to Your Present Purposes as my greatest good.  Just how strong is my commitment to God's Present Purposes in my suffering, my loss, my emptiness, as my greatest good?

June 27 ... Psalm 74 - 77 "Someone is Watching our Every Move"

Psalm 75: 11 -12 Do for God what you said you'd do...To the One who watches our every move. Nobody gets by with anything, no one plays fast and loose with him.  God is watching our every move whether we follow Him from a good place in our heart or whether it is from places where we live for our best life here. 
He doesn't miss a thing and One Day He is coming back to set all things right. 

Psalm 77:  2-6 "I found myself in trouble and went looking for my Lord; my life was an open wound that wouldn't heal.... I can't even say what's bothering me.   I go over the days one by one, I ponder the years gone by...wondering how to get my life together... is His Love worn threadbare?"   Way-too-often, we can't say what is really bothering us---we know we're irritable over small stuff; we know we are unwilling to live in unending nasty problems; we know we don't want to spend time with people we don't want to be with.  We think our worst problems are the people giving us fits.  But no, our worst problem we will always have with us----our flesh.  We can't eradiacte it. 

Psalm 77:  13 -15 O God! Your way is holy! You're the God who makes things happen...You pulled your people out of the worst kind of trouble, rescued the children of Jacob and Joseph...Hidden in the hands of Moses and Aaron, You led your people.  And He's leading us on a narrow path this very day even though it may be hidden in the hands of good people. "The more clearly we see Him, the more gladly we sing a new song that can never be sung by those who live on the broad road of seeking Me for blessings."  66 LL

So what's in my hand that I am grasping?  The good life here?  Let it go.  What are you wresting out of my hands, dear LORD?

June 26 ... Psalm 70 - 73 "Nearly Missed Seeing His Goodness"

Psalm 70

Quick to my side, quick to my rescue! God, don't lose a minute.

Psalm 71
I run for dear life to God, I'll never live to regret it. Do what you do so well: get me out of this mess and up on my feet...You take me in stride. My rescued life is a song.

Psalm 72
Blessed always His blazing glory!  Yes and Yes and Yes.

Psalm 73
No doubt about it! God is good— good to good people, good to the good-hearted. But I nearly missed it,
missed seeing his goodness.  I was looking the other way, looking up to the people at the top, envying the wicked who have it made.  No!  You're all I want in heaven! You're all I want on earth!

"Every heartache will create space that I alone can fill.  And I will.  You will learn to wait in Hope."  66 LL
I'm broken.  Can I meet you in your brokenness and wait with you in Hope?

June 25 ... Psalm 66 - 69 "See Your Great Mercy, Full-Face"

PSALM 66

Didn't God set us on this road to life?

Didn't He keep us out of the ditch?
   He trained us first,
      passed us like silver through refining fires,
   Brought us into hardscrabble country,
      pushed us to our very limit,
   Road-tested us inside and out,
      took us to hell and back;
   Finally he brought us
      to this well-watered place.

PSALM 69
God, God, save me!  I'm in over my head.
Quicksand under me, swamp water over me;
   I'm going down for the third time.
 I'm hoarse from calling for help...

   What I never stole, must I now give back? ...
 My family treats me like an unwanted guest.

Psalm 69:16 - Now answer me, God, because you love me;
   Let me see your great mercy full-face.
This Messianic poem about Jesus' childhood touches deeply.
Jesus felt like an unwanted guest in his own home.
I think I forget that.
 
"Those who die to every false hope (the message of Job),
who come alive to Me as they are and as I AM and
not as they think I should be (the message of Psalms),
are ready to live My Way in this world."  66 LL
What false hope do I grasp in my hand this day?
What thought can I not "let go" of?
My prayer for each of us is that
we "let go" of what we grasp in our hands.
May we see Your Great Mercy, full-face!

June 24 ... Psalm 58 - 65 "Dependable Love Shows Up on Time"

Psalm 59:10   God in Dependable Love shows up on time...
Whatever is happening in my life, it's right on Time.  I'm right on Time.

Psalm 59:17  Strong God, I'm watching you do it,
      I can always count on you— God, my Dependable Love.

Psalm 62: 5-6 God, the One and Only---I'll wait as long as He says. Everything I hope for comes from Him.  Solid Rock under my feet.  An impregnable Castle...

Psalm 62:11 Strength comes from Straight from God.

Psalm 65:2-3  We all arrive at your doorstep sooner or later, loaded with guilt,
   Our sins too much for us—
      but you get rid of them once and for all.

 "God, kill everything in me that keeps me from an authentic Encounter with You...
You are Severe, but You are Merciful...
I want to know YOU...
Shine Your Light on the Narrow Road so I can live in this world the way YOU want me to live."  66 LL  God what are your trying to wrest out of my hands?

June 23 ... Psalm 51 - 57 "Cling to I AM or reshape God into What I Want"

Psalm 51: 1-3  "Generous in love---God, give grace!

Huge in mercy---wipe out my bad record.

Scrub away my guilt,  soak out my sins in your laundry. 

I know how bad I've been; my sins are staring me down ...

God, make a fresh start in me, shape a Genesis week from the chaos of my life." 

Psalm 55:  22-23 "Pile your troubles on God's shoulders—
      He'll carry your load, He'll help you out.
   He'll never let good people topple into ruin."
Even when your best friend has betrayed you.

Psalm 56:8  "You've kept track of my every toss and turn through the sleepless nights,
   Each tear entered in your ledger, each ache written in your book."

Psalm 57: 1-3  "Be good to me, God—and now! I've run to you for dear life.
   I'm hiding out under your wings until the hurricane blows over.
   I call out to High God, the God who holds me together."

I find no words to write as I read these verses written oh so long ago for me thisday.
Each tear written in your ledger; each ache written in your book.
Decide,  o my soul, again and again and again:  Either I cling to God as the great I AM or
reshape God into Who I want Him to be.  66 LL.
Am I clinging to God or to a change in my circumstance?

June 22 ... Psalm 46 - 50 "No Such Thing as Pulling Self Up By Bootstraps"

Psalm 46:  1-3 God is a safe place to hide, ready to help when we need him.  We stand fearless at the cliff-edge of doom, courageous in seastorm and earthquake... Jacob-wrestling God fights for us, God-of-Angel-Armies protects us.

Psalm 49:5 - 9: So why should I fear in bad times...demeaned by the arrogant rich...
There's no such thing as self-rescue, pulling yourself up by your bootstraps. But me? God snatches me from the clutch of death, he reaches down and grabs me.

Psalm 49:19 So don't be impressed with those who get rich and pile up fame and fortune. They can't take it with them.  Spread for me a banquet of praise, serve High God a feast of kept promises, And call for help when you're in trouble— I'll help you, and you'll honor me."

Psalm 50: 17- 21 "What are you up to, quoting my laws, talking like we are good friends? You never answer the door when I call...It's the praising life that honors me.

Are we answering the door when He calls this day? 

June 21 ... Psalm 40 - 45 "Emptying Out the Pockets of My Life"

Psalm 40: 1 "I waited and waited and waited for God. At last He looked; finally He listened."  That's where I am this day.  Waiting on God, not waiting on any man.  God, would you please show up?  We need you so.

Psalm 40: 2-3  He lifted me out of the ditch, pulled me from deep mud. He stood me up on a solid rock to make sure I wouldn't slip.  He taught me how to sing the latest God-song.  Enter the Mystery; abandon yourself to God.

Psalm 40:6 Doing something for You, bringing something to You— that's not what You're after.
Being religious, acting pious— that's not what you're asking for.  You've opened my ears so I can listen.  So many are caught up in "doing" and not in "being."  We are human beings, not human doers.

Psalm 40: 7 -8 So I answered, "I'm coming. I read in your letter what you wrote about me,
And I'm coming to the party you're throwing for me." That's when God's Word entered my life,
became part of my very being.

Psalm 41: 9-10 talks about how those we have walked with through life have bitten our hands.  Stand us up tall God!  Verse 11 -12 Meanwhile, I'm sure you're on my side— You know me inside and out, you hold me together, you never fail to stand me tall in your presence...

Psalm 42:2 I want to drink God, deep draughts of God. I'm thirsty for God-alive. I wonder, "Will I ever make it— arrive and drink in God's presence?"  I'm on a diet of tears—tears for breakfast, tears for supper.

Psalm 42:4-5 These are the things I go over and over, emptying out the pockets of my life. Why are you down in the dumps, dear soul? Why are you crying the blues? Fix my eyes on God— Soon I'll be praising again. Three times David writes this same verse.  Our old nature cries the blues.   Our wills are so strong and we are dead set against suffering.  Rehearse everything I know of you!  Chaos calls to chaos.

Psalm 45: 1 My heart bursts its banks, spilling beauty and goodness. I pour it out in a poem to the king,
shaping the river into words.

Psalm 45: 10-12 With dazzling dresses and a procession of joy and wedding gifts pouring in, may the upcoming brides not miss a word:  Forget your country, put your home behind you.  Be here---the King is wild for you.

June 20 ... Psalm 36 - 39 "As an Adult I Chose Suffering"

Psalm 36: 5-6
God's love is meteoric,

His loyalty astronomic,

His purpose titanic,

His verdicts oceanic.

Yet in His largeness

nothing gets lost;

Not a man,
Not a mouse,

slips through the cracks.


Psalm 37:7

Quiet down before God,

be prayerful before him.

Don't bother with those who climb the ladder,

who elbow their way to the top.

C. S. Lewis wrote:  In my childhood I chose safety but as an adult, I chose suffering.  As we learn to quiet our souls before Him and indeed live a quiet life, may we embrace our suffering and not hide nor long for safety. 

June 19 ... Psalm 32 - 35 "Horsepower is not the Answer"

   Psalm 32:1b  "You get a fresh start, your slate's wiped clean. ..  God holds nothing against you and you're holding nothing back from him." How foolish of me to think that there is any good greater than the good of knowing God! 
 

  Psalm 33:16-17 "No king succeeds with a big army alone, no warrior wins by brute strength. 
Horsepower is not the answer; no one gets by on muscle alone."
    

  Psalm 34:6  "When I was desperate, I called out, and got me out of a tight spot. God's angel sets up a circle of protection around us while we pray. "

 

 "The struggle with fear and pain will continue.  Only in the storm will you know there is an anchor...I've not wanted an anchor in the storm.  I've wanted a quick trip to shore."    No spiritual aspirin available.  No anesthetic for my storms.  Just a revelation of what life is like for the person who lives in the storm with his eyes fixed on Me.    66 LL

June 18 ... Psalm 26 - 31 "An All-Consuming Thirst"

Psalm 27:4   I'm asking God for one thing, only one thing: To live with him in his house my whole life long.
   I'll contemplate His Beauty; I'll study at His Feet.  "Your thirst for Me will become all-consuming."

Psalm 31:10 I'm in deep, deep trouble again.    I've cried my eyes out; I feel hollow inside.

Psalm 31:14 "My life is consumed by anguish...but I trust in You, O Lord, I say, 'You are my God."
"In desperate confusion and anguish, you will know Me in ways no one knows Me in comfort." 66 LL

Psalm 31:24 "Be brave.  Be strong.  Don't give up.  Expect God to get here soon."

LORD, would you give my family and friends an all-consuming thirst for You and You Alone?

June 17 ... Psalm 21 - 25 "The Suffering Community that Sings"

Psalm 22  "God...my God! Why did you dump me miles from nowhere? Doubled up with pain, I call to God all the day long. No answer. Nothing...here I am, a nothing—an earthworm...everyone pokes fun at me;
they make faces at me, they shake their heads...God has never let you down; he has been right there, listening." This so speaks to me this day right where I am.  Seems like I've been dumped miles from nowhere.  And HE has never let me down and won't---not even in this dilemma.  He's listening.

"And the honest community will become the suffering community that sings." 66 LL.

Psalm 23:6 "Your beauty and love chase after me every day of my life. I'm back home in the house of God for the rest of my life."

June 16 .. Psalm 17 - 20 "The Morning Altar"

Psalm 18:24   God rewrote the text of my life when I opened the book of my heart to his eyes. 
 Psalm 19:13  Keep me from stupid sins, from thinking I can take over your work...accept my words when I place them on the morning altar,
 
Psalm 20:1 God answers you on the day you crash; the name God-of-Jacob put you out of harm's reach.

"No Guarantees that You'll protect me from bad things or even that You'll heal my insecurities, only that You'll lead me through them to Knowing You better."  66 LL

June 15...Psalms 9 - 16 "Acknowledge Confusion and Feel my Fears"

Psalm 13: 1-21-2 Long enough, God— you've ignored me long enough. I've looked at the back of your head long enough. Long enough I've carried this ton of trouble...Psalm 13: 5 I've thrown myself headlong into your arms—I'm celebrating your rescue.  I'm so full of answered prayers.

This psalm means much to me.  I've so wanted someone to rescue me my whole life.  And HE did!  Long Enough!  But we live with the dilemma of throwing ourselves headlong into His Arms even when we feel like HE has ignored us.  I'm throwing myself today!

"In the Psalms, I reveal what life is like for the person who lives in the storm with his eyes fixed on Me. 
As you read the Psalms, hear Me say this:  'Face the hard questions that life requires you to ask.  Gather with other travelers on the narrow road, pilgrims who acknowledge their confusion and feel their fears.  Then, together, live those questions in My Presence.' "  66 LL

June 14 ... Psalm 1 - 8 "Am I More Concerned About My Impact on Others"

Psalm 3:3 - "But You, God, shield me on all sides;
   You ground my feet, You lift my head high."  These verses have meant so much to me the past few years.  I don't have to watch my back anymore.  HE shields me on all sides.  He's watching out for me.  Feet grounded a little more.  A little more rest than before.  A little more solid.  HE is the lifter of my head and I cannot thank Him enough!   There's not a lot in my life to cause me to lift my head high.  That sounds like a  self-hatred statement.  My point is that my Beautiful God is truly the One Who Lifts My Head!  

These psalms are all over the place.  In Psalm 4:1 David cries out for God to take his side in a tight place.  Grace me!  Hear me!   Same story in Psalm 5---please pay attention and make sense of my ramblings. 
"Every morning you'll hear me at it again."  Psalm 5:7-8 "Here I am, your invited guest---it's incredible.  I enter your house; here I am...waiting for directions."

Psalm 7:2 says:  I feel like I've been left, unlooked for, unremembered.  David speaks from his heart where he's black-and-blue from the beatings.   David didn't hide from God nor from his world.  He dropped all pretense and made known to God his fears and failures and emptiness and hopes and praises and desires.  Am I doing that?  Am I taking to God what's really going on inside my thoughts, my world?  Am I more concerned about my impact on others?  "God's power is most visibly evident in your life when, in the moment you most painfully feel the impact of another's relational failure, you pay more attention to your impact on that person than on that person's impact on you." (Larry Crabb). A family member has ignored me and I'm feeling it.  Am I more concerned about my impact on them or how they have made me feel?  Self-absorbed or unselfish living?

June 13 ... Job 40 - 42 "God is Removing the Scales from My Eyes"

Job 40:1 God then confronted Job directly: "Now what do you have to say for yourself?  Are you going to haul me, the Mighty One, into court and press charges?"  I've been convicted that I keep my friends and even family in the courtroom.  But, I've never thought about keeping my God in the courtroom until I read this verse this morning.  I do that when things don't go my way.  Have mercy, O God!

Job 40:6 - God shows up in the eye of the storm where it's calm in the midst of the chaos.  Job listens from his heart:  "My ears had heard of You, now my eyes have seen You."    God says in Job 42:8 that what was missing in Job's friends was that they were not honest with God like Job was.  I think we all have to ask if we are being honest with God or do we think we cannot say the things that are already in our heart?  Job prayed for his friends and the scales were lifted from even their eyes. 

So what did the Book of Job stir in you?  I was at a Dallas wedding last night and spoke with a twenty-something-year-old couple whose baby had died recently in their arms.  As I watched the sorrow-filled genuine crocodile tears fall from their eyes in the midst of our wedding feast, I caught a glimmer and glimpse of Hope in Him to Whom they look.  That's what Job stirred in me:  God reveals Himself, the Great I Am, "not who you imagine Me to be.  We talked about unexplained suffering.  "Job learned he was not the prosecuting attorney nor I the defendant.  God remains all-Powerful and all-Good in your darkest night and He is saying:  Trust Me."  God is removing the scales from your eyes so that you will soon see My Light.  The Morning Star is visible when the darkness is deepest."  66 LL.

June 12 ... Job 38 - 39 "Besetting Sins"

Job 38:1 - God answered Job from the eye of a violent storm.  God says to Job:  "Stand tall."  Job thought he was finished in Job 31---no more explaining his cause.  No, God is looking for all of us to stand tall before Him, the One Who created it all. He wants us to look for Him, listen to Him, and long for Him to change what is going on inside the fray of our hearts.  "Where were you Job when I created the earth?"    And God takes Job on a stunning metaphoric tour of our planet.  Job started this journey back in chapter one offering sacrifices for his children and believing then that you don't get angry with God.  In chapter three we find Job depressed experiencing loss with no real friends.  Then we heard from a very angry Job wrestling and communicating his anger toward God all the way to Job's final words in Job 31.  But, No...God doesn't want Job to sit and shut up.  "Stand tall!"  We think we are in charge.  But Who is really in charge of it all?  In charge of everything from creation to suffering to.  Job can't change his "besetting" sin of demandingness---only God can do that and He wants to.  I had a great conversation with a friend today about besetting sins.  If our friends and family don't know their own besetting sins like Job's friends had no clue, then they hold arrogance in their hearts.  They "miss" you cause all their good advice comes from  wrong places in their hearts.  Remember where Job started in all of this---I haven't sinned.  But scales are falling from his eyes and Job is listening to God.  My besetting sin involves wanting to be rescued from deep wounds.  Please come through for me. Needing someone to attach to.  Overwhelmed.  So I attached to strong men, strong ideas, strong ministry to be special.  I wanted to count.  To be somebody.  To be safe.  But that's all my old nature.  My new nature is letting go of being rescued and living without answers---suffering without explanation.  The new Bev is not looking to insight to save me.  No more waiting to be discovered.  My friend said to me today:  "When we grow up inside, we give up childish ways of handling suffering."  So what besetting sins have plagued your life?  What do you want more than the Love of your Christ? 

June 10 ... Job 35 - 37 "Wanting Relief more than Waiting for Rest"

Job 35:9 They cry for relief from being kicked around, but never give God a thought when things go well, says Elihu in his 3rd try to reach Job. Wanted relief more than trusting for rest.  I wonder why his friends couldn't just sit with Job and hold his sorrow.  Wait, they actually did sit wordless for what 7 days?  Then, they finally had to say something to get Job out of his funk.  But their words, their lives didn't draw out of Job the man God created him to be.  They were all "curved in on themselves" as they tried to relate trying to have weighty words.  They only frustrated Job more.  Job felt "missed" by these 4 friends.  I wonder how much we "miss" our friends and never know it thinking all is well?

Job 36:16 God is wooing you from the jaws of danger.  The wiles of the devil.  Our own depravity.  He is using our suffering to woo us to a better place.  I love how Elihu doesn't try to explain the suffering but focuses on the majesty of God.  Let's worship God, o my friend Job!

And what about Job's wife.  Wonder why she is not mentioned in all these subsequent chapters?  Is she walking with God?  Does Job pour into her life?  Does he draw her out to be the woman God created her to be?  She doesn't even have a name.  You know, there is something wrong with all of us.  I connected with some lifelong friends today whom I haven't seen in four years.  We talked about what our Beautiful God has done and is doing in our lives.  But one thing remains.  There is something wrong with all of us whether it's Job's wife or Elihu or me.  G.K. Chesterton submitted an entry to a contest that a local paper in England ran some years ago.  They were soliciting essays to answer the question:  "What's Gone Wrong With Our World Today?"  Chesteron's paper caught their eye.  It was two words.  "I am."  Sincerely, G.K. Chesterton. 

Job lost his 10 children.  I can't stop thinking about that.  God asked him to carry that burden.  He'll see those 10 gravestones til the day he dies no matter what blessings are in store for him.  But Job will see far more than a stone that crumbles.  He'll see his own depravity, once a pillar of strength but even human pillars crumble.  Humbled, Job's eyes will be opened a little more to see his God in the midst.  What am I doing with what has gone wrong in my own life?  Do I hold hope for a very Good God to show up.  Look for Him today.  Isaiah 30:18 He longs to have compassion on you this very day. 

June 10 ... Job 32 - 34 "If God is Silent"

Job 34:29 "if God is silent" ... then what?  What stirs in you as we read chapter after chapter after chapter about a man who lost his 10 children?  Job is trying to make sense of his suffering.  Suffering with no explanation.  Elihu explodes cause evidently the older generation should make sense of it all.  What's his pull?  What stirs in you?  I keep thinking about how Job and his wife lost their 10 children and I wonder what God is saying to Job in his silence?   I keep thinking of a very old quote:  "The first step to sanctity is self-knowledge."  Job is wrestling with what is really going on inside of him.  "If we stay within the darkness, stick close to the Cross, through death we will come to know the God Who reveals Himself in the process of dying and renewal."  Something beautiful is happening to Job on the inside.  We know that because we know the rest of the story.  Am I staying within my own darkness, sticking close to His Cross, and dying to my pride and fears so that He may reveal and renew my spirit.  Have mercy on us, O God!

June 9 ... Job 29 - 31 "Morning Star is Visible when Darkness is Deepest"

 Job 29:3 "How I miss those golden years when God's friendship graced my home...when the Mighty One was still by my side and my children were all around me.  When everything was going my way, and nothing seemed too difficult."  Wonder what we would have been saying if we lost our health, our kids, our property, our money??  I think I would be doing some blameshifting.  Wonder why Job never incriminated his distant oh-so-pious wife?  He never mentions her when he talks about his good life where people hung on to his every word.  A life at this juncture where he equates disaster with punishment for wrongdoing.    Job 31:32 - Job says he didn't hide his sin the way Adam did.  So Job knew of Adam!  I think maybe Job doesn't realize the sin he walks in.  Look at  Job 31:36, 37 -  I've signed my name to my defense—let the Almighty One answer!   I perceive that to be so arrogant.  "I want to see my indictment in writing. Anyone's welcome to read my defense; I'll write it on a poster and carry it around town."  Job still doesn't see his arrogant words that he will stand up for his actions and defend himself before God.  Where's that humble, contrite, broken heart of Psalm 51?  Job holds a demanding heart that things go well, go right.  "When suffering brings despair, emptiness, futility, and misery, trust ME.  I am removing the scales from your eyes so that you will soon see My Light.  The Morning Star is visible when the darkness is deepest."  66 LL.  How can we trust you for a little more Light this day?  Like Job, there is sin we just don't see and we're hiding like Adam and don't even know it...or maybe we do know.  My prayer this day---in the midst of our small troubles compared to Job---would You remove a few more scales from our suffering eyes?

June 8 ... Job 24 - 28 "Illusions of Security"

Job 26:1 - Job facetiously answers his friends:  "Well, you've certainly been a great help to a helpless man."  People out there are getting by with murder---with illusions of security.  Job 28:23 "God Alone knows the Way to Wisdom."  Job 28:28 "Here it is!  Fear-of-the-LORD----that's wisdom , and Insight means shunning evil."  Am I shunning evil or am I slapping its wrist like it was a naughty thing to do?

 I first read the quote from Abraham Heschel when we were going through a hard time back in F.W.  "God is not nice.  God is not an uncle.  God is an earthquake."  66 LL says the world of Christendom does not want to believe that.   "Am I willing to die to my blessings as my source of life?"  Dead to self.  Alive to God.  LORD make us all come alive to You as our Only---One and Only---Source of Life.   My desires for righteousness, 2 Thes 1:11-12, are good and right but how to get there in this life must be reckoned with.  I am not on the path for God to relieve all my suffering.  I hadn't seen Larry in a while and saw him a few months ago.  The first words out of his mouth to me:---"We aren't here to talk about your cancer, Bev.  You may meet Him before I do (Larry has cancer too).  We're here to talk about the Beautiful God in you that is using that struggle to uncover a rest in you.  We're here to talk about God and what He's up to in you."

June 7 ... Job 21 - 23 "Suffering Presents Opportunity to see God"

Job 21:22 "But who are we to tell God how to run his affairs?"  That's it; that's right.  He is God!  There's truth in what everyone is saying.  But if you don't have Love, you're a noisy gong, a clanging cymbal.  I keep thinking of Jesus' words to Peter:  "Do you love Me?  Do you love Me?  Do you love Me?"  Or do you want me to just let up on you and your suffering?  If I have ambition and have little love, what do I have?  If I have recognition and have little love, what do I have?  If I have my life together and have little love, what do I have?  If I have wisdom and have little love, what do I really have?  Do I really love God not for what He can do for me but just because He is my Friend? 

Eliphaz tells Job that he's a first-class moral failure.  What kind of friend is this?  He says in Job 22:25 "Give in to God and everything will be just fine."  That's not right.  Job is wrestling with some deep questions about whether God has been good to Him to allow all He did to happen to Job.  Job has 10 grave markers that remind him every day of his loss that God could have prevented. 

We can observe the demandingness of Job in his words in Chapter 23.  "God has no right to treat me like this—it isn't fair! If I knew where on earth to find him, I'd go straight to him. I'd lay my case before him face-to-face, give him all my arguments firsthand."  Is He a Fair God, a Fair Judge, a Fair Friend?  As Job wrestles through deep suffering, he asks questions we all ask every day.  "Job knew his friends were wrong.  He knew his suffering was not punishment for sin that he could end by living better.  But he did not realize the opportunity that his suffering presented for him to see Me.  Job was terrified that God might be powerful but not good."  66 LL. Do I see my suffering as an opportunty for me to see my God?   Isn't that a question we all must wrestle with?  Is He good to us when we're passed over, shot down, burdened beyond belief, tempted to fend for ourselves, suffering with no explanation?   "I wrote Job to reveal who I AM, not who you imagine Me to be."  66 LL.  I wonder what I imagine God is like and doing in my life this day?  I wonder if I will see the great I AM at work in my problems today? 

June 6 ... Job 17 - 20 "God Will Take His Stand on Earth"

Job 17:9  "But principled people hold tight, keep a firm grip on life, sure that their clean, pure hands will get stronger and stronger!"  I think that's what most Christians today believe.  Live by the principles and you will get stronger and stronger.  Principled people---I used to be one!  Always making sure my hands were pure while missing way too much.  Job 17:10 is intriguing, "maybe you'd all like to start over."  I've had that thought many times this year as my last child graduated from high school.  Why do I want to start over?  To make sure my life went smoother for my God?  Job says:  Who on earth could find any hope in that?  Our hope is in God and not in this life getting better.  You are right on schedule.  And what matters is radical repentance this moment, dealing with the fray of my heart. 

Job 19:13 touches something deep within me as Job says, "Everyone I've ever been close to abhors me; my dearest loved ones reject me...Job 19:25 - I know my Redeemer lives and God willl take his stand on earth. And I'll see him with my very own eyes. Oh, how I long for that day!"  This is the time when Job really needed a friend, a relative to stand by his side. Amazing that this is one of the first books of the Bible written and Job doesn't have the "company of the saints" to encourage him.  He's charting a path for us. And, one day, Job's God will take his stand on earth and Job will be there and so will you and I.  It's the day we all live for---to see Him face-to-face. We'll toast our friend Job at the Great Feast.  It will be such a joy to see Job with our very own eyes.  I wonder why Job's friends rejected him?

June 5 ... Job 14 - 16 "Don't keep Family & Friends in the Courtroom"

Job14:2 -  Why even bother hauling me into court?  Do I keep my family, my friends in the courtroom for what they do to me?  

Job's friends are ruthless. Crabb says Job's friends reduced God to a traffic cop.  "Obey the speed limit and I let you drive on  to the beach."   I mean, Job just buried his 10 children!  I've seen such grief in friend's faces burying their young child, young husband---and it was only one.  Who loses 10 kids?  Yet here's Eliphaz saying that his grey hair backs up his words---aren't God's promises enough for you, Job?  "You lap up evil like water."  Makes me think about the chapter in Mere Christianity that says that we might think people are not showing much faith but their faith may not look like we think it should.  

Job 16:19 - Job replies: "There must be Someone in heaven who knows the truth about me, some Attorney who can clear my name— My Champion, my Friend.  Yes, there is One who knows your frame and the depths of your disaster".

"When the lights go out, when suffering brings despair, emptiness, futility, and misery, trust Me.  I am removing the scales from your eyes so that you will soon see My Light.  The Morning Star is visible when the darkness is deepest.  And when you see Him, you will see Me and discover yourself.  My Son is coming!"   . 66 LL. 

June 4 ... Job 11 - 13 "Suffering Achieves the Well-Being of the Beloved"

Job 11:7 -  Zophar asks the rhetorical question:  "Do you think you can diagram God Almighty?"   And Job's friend answers his own question.  Do all the right things and you'll keep a firm grip---really?  Job replies to Zophar:  "I'm sure you speak for all the experts, and when you die there'll be no one left to tell us how to live."  Job put him in his place.  Job 12:4 - It is from God that we learn how to live and what to live for. 
Job 13:5 - I'm not taking a backseat to any of you. I'm taking my case straight to God Almighty;
  And what does Job ask of God:  Grant me this so I  will know that I count with you.  What is Job really saying?  If You give me what I want, then I know that I matter to You?  Lay off the afflictions; the terror is too much for me. Oh, I do know that statement.  The day I was diagnosed with cancer, I told God that he picked the wrong person---the terror was too much.  Like Job, my prayer request was self-absorbed.  A subtle demandingness that life goes well for Job, for me including the health part.  What is Job's definition of a good life?  What is my definition of the good life? Job 11:6 says we haven't gotten half of what we deserve---now that's true.  "Love seeks the deepest well-being of another.  If that requires suffering, then Love permits and, sometimes, brings about suffering.  But Love never allows more suffering than is necessary to achieve the well-being of the beloved."  66 LL.  HE is a Good God.  Phil 2:13 - There is an energy in you.  It is God Who is working in you both to will and do of His Good Pleasure.  HE is achieving the well-being of you, His Beloved!  I don't have to watch my own back anymore.  That is so tender and true. 

June 3 ... Job 8 - 10 "My Temple is a House of Cards"

Job 8:22 - "their house of cards collapsed."  C.S. Lewis talks about living in a house of cards.  In A Grief Observed, Lewis wrote that if my house collapsed at one blow, it was a house of cards. My house of cards collapsed 4 years ago with one blow only for God to take that house built on sand and rebuild it on the rocks.  Lewis talked about if his house was a house of cards, the sooner it was knocked down the better---and only suffering could do that.  "God always knew that my temple was a house of cards."  C.S. Lewis.

Job 9:13 How can mere mortals get right with God?  Job 9:20 God wins, hands down.  So what's the point?

 Job 10:2 "How does this fit into what you once called 'good'? Giving me a hard time---how is that good, God?  Job, like the rest of us, believes "God should relieve his struggles and replace it with rest. But God uses struggle to uncover a rest beneath the struggle that no anguish can destroy." 66 LL. Job's foolish understanding of the road to find real life is not right.  My understanding is what I have to deal with this day, this set of circumstances.  Foolish Understanding!  So throw the anchor over in the midst of my storm and it will hold true.  There is an Anchor in my raging storm.  I just want the storm to go away instead of a sure and steady Anchor in my mess.  Remember Crabb's quote in the First Love Letter---"You must now live between Anguish and Hope." 

June 2 ... Job 5 - 7 "Suffering Without Explanation"

Job 5:7-8 “Don't blame fate when things go wrong…if I were in your shoes, I’d go straight to God.”  Eliphaz, Job’s friend, assumes that Job isn’t going to God.  He delivers a soliloquy that isn’t very encouraging.  Do we do the same kind of thing when people hit hard times?  Give them the best advice. Why can’t we just sit with people and listen to their hearts?  Why do we have to remind them of what they need to know?  Job calls it “pious bluster.”  At the end of Chapter 6, Job says: “You pretend to tell me what's wrong with my life, but treat my words of anguish as so much hot air.”  Do I miss people’s anguish for my own agenda of wanting to say the right things that will change their world.  Job hates his life right now.  So what would pull out of him the man God intended for him to be?  “Suffering without explanation creates the opportunity for faith in Me, the kind of faith that sees My Heart.  Suffering with explanation allows you to maintain the false hope of control.”  Those words touch something deep in me.  So many people want to explain God in the midst of their suffering---like, I’m suffering so that many people will come to know God.  “It’s the road of trusting Me in darkness so dark that all reason for trust is obscured.”  66 LL.  Kierkegaard wrote: “As long as there are many springs from which to draw water, anxiety about possible water failure does not arise…anxiety arises when there is only One Source.”  66 LL.  Can God be trusted with the mess I am in?  Will He give me what I want---what I think is good?

June 1 ... Job 1 - 4 "Brokenness Over My Demand for Satisfaction"

^{1 -3} He was honest inside and out, a man of his word, who was totally devoted to God and hated evil with a passion...the most influential man in all the East! It was God Who said to Satan, "Have you noticed my friend Job? There's no one quite like him—honest and true to his word, totally devoted to God and hating evil."Again, Satan strikes---do you think Job does all of that out of sheer goodness?  Job 1:11 "But what do you think would happen if you reached down and took away everything that is his? He'd curse you right to your face, that's what."  God replied to Job, "do what you want with all that is his."  So many people have trouble saying God causes evil but he invited evil to do a work in Job. 

"When you stand before Me in mystery, you will eventually rest within Me in trust.  When you can't figure me out, you will give up the illusion of predictability and control and discover the joy and freedom of hope."  Am I really broken over my demand for satisfaction in my life, my ideas of control, managing what God is saying to me, life on my terms?  If I live broken over my demandingness, I will live in gratitude and rest.